Getting Married
Marriage is that major event in my life for which my parents so devotedly and dutifully planned and prepared -- financially and mentally -- ever since I turned 21. All the planning I went through with them did not equip and prepare me for the complete change my life underwent when it finally happened -- at 34.
Before proceeding to tell the story of the years that preceded this rather late wedding I would like to narrate in short the situation which led to this surprise that I sprung on my friends, sister and Ma. Baba having passed away a year earlier with the acute sadness of a father who is unable to have his one and truest wish come true... He had been living a borrowed life since the last six years with one heart attack after another and then two strokes following that. But he hung on for really long and then gave up one morning to a fatal stoke.
The happiness I felt at my marriage could not compare to the sadness and guilt I felt at the absence of Baba who, I felt, should have waited a year more as I completed the final rites of his first death anniversary -- just three months before my wedding. However the fact that Baba could witness my younger sister's wedding a year before he passed away gave me some consolation.
My delayed marriage can in part be attributed to my stubbornness and optimism to get married only for love and nothing, but nothing else. This led to a few disastrous relationships one after the other. Sometimes the next relationship started to instantly override the pain of the previous break up, and at other times, after the old baggage had been done away with for long. But it was always with the renewed hope for finding love.
My parents, all this time, looked out for and introduced me to numerous eligible bachelors. They also waited for me to announce the wedding to one of my current beaus. Neither of them happened, much to their despair. Optimism and faith do pay off even though they try your patience immensely. Mine did when I finally met my would-be husband. During my conversations with him before I met him, I realised that some of the things I had been looking for since as a girl were coming true.
Just when you think that you cannot carry on any more and you are tired and ready to quit your search for happiness or whatever it is that will lead you to happiness, take just a step further and you will definitely find your rainbow or your answer and that is what happened to me. After my father passed away the relationship that I was in for the last five to six years began to feel like a burden as I felt there must be God's will in my not having been married or else Baba would not have quit trying to stay alive.
Added to this was the thought that all along one of the reasons for wanting to get married was to make Baba happy and now that reason was not there too. When one of my friends and Ma told me that Baba left to be able to find the right guy for me so I must not give up the thought of settling down or else Baba's soul would not rest in peace.
So here I was again taking that final step when all I wanted to do was just duck my hide under cover and weep at how unfair life is. I did what I had never imagined I would ever do... that is allow one of my cousins register me on an Internet marriage site and can you believe it, that is where and how I finally met my husband and my search came full circle as I found what I was looking for in him . And believe me when I say that just because I married someone I met on a marriage site ours was far far away from an arranged marriage.
We first exchanged a few mails and then spoke over the phone for six to seven hours a day for the next fifteen days after which I agreed to come from Kolkata to Chennai and even before we met we knew we would get married and two days after I came we were looking out for a registrar to get us married much to the astonishment of our families and one of his friends even called the whole thing "very bizarre".
Sometimes you look for something all your life and then you find it suddenly in a short time. Its the search and all the mistakes that you have made though your search, that make you the person you are that help in sustaining your marriage. After all its being able to sustain a marriage that is the end and not just the act or event of getting married.
Thereby the end justifies the means and makes the means worth the while.
Shree, I feel you were right in waiting for the right person rather than compromising for the sake of seeing your parents happy. It is after all the choice of someone with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life and it has to be the right person.ery long and happy married life.
So don't feel guilty when you think of your father not being able to participate in your wedding. it wasn't meant to be but i am sure he is loooking at you from up there and feeling happy now.
Since you mentioned Chennai and Kolkata and your husband being an inveterate blogger I wondered if it might be the person I guess he is. is he also a journalist?
You know we women are always curiois? Smiles....
Wish you a v
Posted by
Usha |
7:18 AM
Oh my computer jumbled up my previous comment - it has acurious way of skipping spaces and going and typing away where it likes...if I am not careful i end up sending out rubbish like i did just now. Apologies.
The comment should read:
Shree, I feel you were right in waiting for the right person rather than compromising for the sake of seeing your parents happy. It is after all the choice of someone with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life and it has to be the right person.
So don't feel guilty when you think of your father not being able to participate in your wedding. it wasn't meant to be but i am sure he is loooking at you from up there and feeling happy now.
Since you mentioned Chennai and Kolkata and your husband being an inveterate blogger I wondered if it might be the person I guess he is. is he also a journalist?
You know we women are always curiois? Smiles....
Wish you a very long and happy married life.
Posted by
Usha |
7:20 AM